opening sentence for my story

Hey reader, W . A . L . T write an Interesting first sentence to hook our reader. my first sentence was Once there was a boy playing games on his tv.His mom came back from work and placed a box on the table. This is my improved sentence.

She said “Why don't you just lets some sun inside”. she said “ why don’t you stop playing and open the present that I got for you”. The boy said “for me”?. I think my updated sentence is

He slowly opens the box and suddenly A DOG POPS OUT!.He picked up the puppy.He says” wow cool”. but He noticed that he had 3 legs. Hoep you enjoyed this blog.